Fat Mommy to Fit Mommy

So much for regular updates!

Today was the final day of the first bootcamp session. I have been surprised by several things during this bootcamp...
1 - I really, really like getting up that early. I am far more clear-headed and energetic at 5am than I am at 8am. Strange. The only problem with this is the 4pm crash. And the fact that I can't make myself go to bed before 11pm. Too much to do!
2 - I love working out outside. I suspect this only applies to 6am though - I hate being hot, but 6am is nice and cool.

I managed to make it to 9/12 classes - which isn't that bad, considering the hell that is finding childcare for 5:30 in the morning. Thank you, mom, for sleeping over as often as you did! Most days it wasn't a struggle for me, but I'll admit that after a few late nights, I really had to force myself out of bed.

I loved bootcamp. Seriously, I did. I found that it's far easier than working with a trainer - of course - but I like the group dynamic and the fresh air. I worked hard - but I found that I really had to pace myself, more than I would during a personal training session, because you can't really just stop and catch your breath without holding everyone back.

Do I feel like I've lost weight? Probably not. My eating has been ok - I would say 75% good, 25% same-old-shit. Weekends are awful for me - I'm always out running errands, shopping, meeting with clients.

However, I did my cardio test today, and was able to run/walk about 2/3 of a lap further than 4 weeks ago. So that's good. And working out 3 days/week is better than 0, yeah? My problem is always that I feel if I'm not doing 5-6 days/week of intense workouts, I'm wasting my time.

SO - I'm focusing on just being glad that I'm doing something, and for the next session (starts in a week), I'm going to try and add 1 swimming class per week, and really focus on getting back in the kitchen - cooking!

So there you have it. After the end of the next boot camp session, I'm going to re-do my fitness test, and hopefully we'll see some weight change. I'm not even going to stress myself out about it until then though!

I'll try and update more often... yah, right!

Tomorrow is bootcamp #2. I'm dreading it... mildly. I'm looking forward to being done. In fact, I can't wait until the next 2 weeks are over, because I KNOW I'll start to feel great.

The eating thing has been going well. I'm aiming for 1500 calories, but yesterday I was at about 1650. Not bad. Today, I don't know. Probably close to 1700 - we had guests for dinner, and man, I can make a mean lasagna, amazing ceasar salad, and garlic bread that melts in your mouth. I gotta stop making that.

Otherwise I've been really careful. I do wish that the ladies at work wouldn't put the huge bag of chips directly behind my cubicle, and stand there and munch on them (loudly) periodically all day. Yikes!

Trying to stay positive and focused. It's hard - I can't do this and everything else. Some things are going to have to give. I just don't know what...

Here's hoping tomorrow doesn't kill me...

Well, today was officially the first day of getting back on the saddle, so to speak.

Bootcamp!

Try as I did, I couldn't get to bed early last night, but I'm pretty sure I drifted off to sleep just before midnight. Which seems to be ok so far - but I can pretty much promise that I'll be hitting a wall come lunchtime!

I also suffer from "can't be late" syndrome - so I set my alarm for 4am. I hit snooze until 5, and then I was up-and-at-them! as they say on the Simpsons.

Bootcamp this morning was just Karm and I and the two trainers - so really, very lucky for us, as we received one-on-one attention (or is that unlucky?). It was really nice workout out in the crisp morning air, and the workout itself was great!

However, I'm so mad at myself for what crappy shape I'm in! I'm trying not to dwell - in 2 weeks, things will start to improve, I hope - but it's still hard.

Anyways - I have to run to work now... The easy part is done, now I have the day ahead of me to try and resist all of the ridiculous crap that makes its way into the office every day (chips, dip, more chips, donuts, cake, etc etc).

Wish me luck!

M

I've been SO horrible. And now it's time to pay the price!

I forgive myself - I'm the busiest person I know - but I won't be so forgiving if I am writing this AGAIN next year.

July 1, 2007, I weighed 210 lbs - my lowest weight in 8 years. I worked HARD to get there. Really flippin' hard. AKA working out 5-6 days per week.

Well, la-di-da - here we are, much later, and 40lbs heavier. Add a third child to the mix, too. Plus my own business, and a full time job. And that's where we are now.

I have less time, less energy, and BONUS - I'm over 30, so the weight sticks to me like molasses.

Great.

HOWEVER - I have never backed away from a challenge. So, here we go again.

Next week I start Bootcamp, run by my lovely former-trainer and friend, L. I had so much success with her in the past - I'm hoping that she will be instrumental in my re-success. I know, not a word. Oh well.

So yeah. 6am-7am bootcamp 3 times per week. Yeah - early morning workouts for someone who hates mornings. BUT - my former workout time of 8pm doesn't work now either - I am absolutely DONE by that time, and have to devote those few hours before bed to the business.

Gah. I'm dreading it. I've signed up for 8 weeks total - that's 24 workouts. I'm hoping hoping hoping that only the first 2 weeks suck. I can do anything for 2 weeks.

My goal is to add one additional workout to that - be it swimming or a home workout - plus a walk with the kids.

Today I had my pre-bootcamp assessment. It sucked ass. Seriously, horribly humiliating. I'm hoping that going from fat to sorta-fit (which apparently meant nothing, cause I just got fat again... fatter, even) and BACK to fit will the last journey I have to take. I want to be able to close this damn blog down, in 1 year.
Yeah - so, the assessment... high heart-rate, 43 second plank (I used to do 3 mins), and best of all, 52% body fat. You heard me. SERIOUSLY? Fuck me.

I would love to say "it can only get better from here" but I know it's not true. My lifestyle - aka eating on the road all the time and being so freakin' busy that I can't take care of myself - could conceivably make this situation worse.

I have to change. I don't know how, but I have to.

Here's a whiny moment - I quit smoking (yay me!) and pretty much quit drinking, and now I get to quit eating. Don't even say it - I will never LOVE healthy food the way I love creamy, greasy food. So don't even go there. Anyways - I just want to have a vice, ya know? I'm always so damn GOOD. I obey the rules (well, my version of them, teehee). I do what I'm told. I provide for my family. I work as hard as I possibly can. I am kind to strangers. I try to be there for my friends an family.

So you'll forgive me if it pisses me off that I have no-where to rebel any more.

Sigh.

Ok. So I have a million reasons to DO this and only one pathetic one not to. I know. I know!

I'll try and blog about it as I can. Expect short, to-the-point posts (from me, ha).

4 more days until the first day of bootcamp. I'm dreading it.

I'm NOT dreading 3 weeks from now, when I hopefully will notice the first inkling of change...

My new mantra... nothing tastes as good as "fit" feels...

I'm back on track. Despite the triple-layer chocolate cake I just made from scratch and will not get to taste.

Yesterday I went to the gym! Yay me! Paid special attention to my knee, and it held up nicely. Did 35 minutes on the eliptical and just under 10 on the treadmill (had to stop because the gym closes at 9:00pm. Yeah, 9:00pm.) Burned 560 calories, all told.

Also, because I'm no longer nursing as much as I was, my trainer has reduced my over-all calorie intake to 1700.

I'm in mourning. However, I think that we'll start seeing some really fabulous results.

Just when things start to look up... I come down with a horrible cough/cold. No swimming for me tonight, although I really, really wanted to go. I know, however, I would have just ended up getting sicker in the long run.

I hate to lose the momentum, though, and so I'm going to try and make it to an early morning swim tomorrow and/or Saturday.

Provided I'm feeling better.

I'm also going to start experimenting with various healthy variations on my favourite baked goods. As soon as I find my camera, I'll try and post some photos, and I'll definitely post some recipes!

My new goal - get back down to 240 before Christmas.

Metres. That's how much I swam.

I'm SO EXHAUSTED!!!!!! It was easier (already!) this week than last, but still, what a workout!

So glad I went. There are 3 new ladies in my class, all of whom are training for a triathlon... I'm proud to say that I was able to keep up with them, although doing so just about killed me. I'm a much better swimmer than any of them, but they are far, far FAR more fit than I. Makes it interesting, anyway.

I really do love swimming. I'm almost tempted to sign up for this class again... seems like by the end of the 8th and final class I'll be really into it. On the other hand, I'm thinking maybe I should try something different.

Anyone want to sign up for a pilates class with me, or something? Starting in January?

Eating today - was GREAT. I made good choices, and kept my focus.

Onward...

7pm, sitting at home waiting until 7:30 so that I can go to swimming.

I freely admit that I skipped Thursday's class. There is tired (like now) and there is completely-burst-into-tears-if-I-have-to-leave-the-house exhausted (like Thursday). I stayed home and cuddled with Ian. A choice I don't regret.

Today has been a good eating day. Didn't have time for breakfast so I had a protein bar (well, 1/2 of one). Yogurt and an apple for mid-morn snack. Chicken pita for lunch, with low-fat frozen yogurt for dessert. Bun with peanut butter and banana on it for mid-afternoon snack. Chicken stir-fry for dinner, vitalicious muffin for dessert. After swimming I will have some nuts/seeds and probably some beef jerky (high in sodium but also high in protein and low in calories...so sodium, too bad!).

All-in-all - not a bad day. Typically I have a much healthier breakfast but I ran out of time this morning (something that astounds me, considering I was up by 7, and didn't leave the house until 8:40...)

And now, swimming. As promised to myself. BUT - I will say that if tonight's class is not an improvement over last Tuesday, I'm going to substitute something else for these classes, whether it be swimming lengths, deep water workouts, or ??? So we shall see.

Today I was reminded that eating right and being successful is all about choice. It's all about making the RIGHT choice. For me, it's all about taking the time to THINK about my choices, and what they mean. And when you're living life in warp speed all the time as I do, sometimes slowing down to THINK about anything is a challenge.

Solution? Give choice a soundtrack. I've been working on training my brain to turn on a specific song in my head whenever I'm on the verge of making a poor choice simply by refusing to acknowledge the choice before me:

The song? Sabotage by the Beastie Boys. Specifically "Listen all ya'll this is Sabotage". Fits quite well.

Well, I'd better go. Wish me luck...